Miscellaneous Tom Lehrer Songs

Silent E
L-Y
I Got It From Agnes

Silent E

Who can turn a can into a cane?
Who can turn a pan into a pane?
It's not too hard to see
It's Silent E

Who can turn a cub into a cube?
Who can turn a tub into a tube?
It's elementary
For Silent E

He took a pin and turned it into pine
He took a twin and turned him into twine

Who can turn a cap into a cape?
Who can turn a tap into a tape?
A little glob becomes a globe instantly
If you just add Silent E

He turned a dam - Alikazam! - into a dame
But my friend Sam stayed just the same

Who can turn a man into a mane?
Who can turn a van into a vane?
A little hug becomes huge instantly
Don't add W, don't add X, and don't add Y or Z,
Just add Silent E

L-Y

You're wearing your squeaky shoes
And right there taking a snooze
Is a tiger, so how do you walk on by?
Silently ... silently ... silent ... L-Y

You're a secret agent man
Who's after the secret plan
How do you act so they don't know you're as spy?
Normally ... normally ... normal ... L-Y

At an eating contest you boast
That you can eat the most
How do you down your fiftieth piece of pie?
Eagerly ... eagerly ... eager ... L-Y

On the lake your boat upset
And your clothes got soaking wet
How do you stand and wait for them to dry?
D-d-d-d-d patiently ... d-d-d-d-d patiently ... patient ... L-Y

In the public library
You fall and you hurt your knee
But the isgn says "quiet please," so how can you cry?
Quietly .... quietly .... quiet ... L-Y

Asyou walk along the street
A porcupine you meet
How do you shake his hand when he says hi?
Carefully ... carefully .... careful ... L-Y

You enter a very dark room
And sitting there in the gloom
Is Dracula! Now how do you say goodbye?
Immediately ... immediately ... immediate ... L-Y
Bye Bye!

I Got It From Agnes

I love my friends and they love me
We're just as close as we can be
And just because we really care
Whatever we get, we share!

I got it from Agnes
She got it from Jim
We all agree it must have been him
Louise who gave it to him

Now she got it from Harry
Who got it from Marie
And ev'rybody knows that Marie
Got it from me

Giles got it from Daphne
She got it from Joan
Who picked it up in County Cork
A-kissin' the Blarney Stone

Pierre gave it to Shiela
Who must have brought it there
He got it from Francois and Jacques
Aha, lucky Pierre!

Max got it from Edith
Who gets it ev'ry spring
She got it from her Daddy
Who just gives her ev'rything

She then gave it to Daniel
Whose spaniel has it now
Our dentist even got it
And we're still wondering how

But I got it from Agnes
Or maybe it was Sue
Or Millie or Billie or Gillie or Willie
It doesn't matter who

It might have been at the pub
or at the club, or in the loo
And if you will be my friend, then I might ...
(Mind you, I said "might" ...)
Give it to you!

Tom Lehrer

Tim Newsome, drz@froody.bloke.com, ,